Resisting the Midlife Call to Adventure | PASSAGES :014

“You are not dead yet, it’s not too late to open your depths." -Rilke

Last week I had to opportunity to share some of my reflections on midlife and the “Call to Adventure” as a guest over at the Wisdom Well blog of the Modern Elder Academy, “the world’s first midlife wisdom school,” which is hosted by its co-founder Chip Conley.

Chip was previously the founder of Joie de Vivre Hospitality through which he created and managed over 50 boutique hotels, before becoming Head of Global Hospitality and Strategy for Airbnb. His newest book, Learning to Love Midlife: 12 Reasons Why Life Gets Better with Age came out about a month before mine.

So, for this week’s PASSAGES, here is what I shared with Chip’s Modern Elder Academy community.

Oh yeah, for more on these themes, check out my new book The Way Home: Discovering the Hero’s Journey to Wholeness at Midlife.

An afternoon adventure, in midlife, at Havenwoods, an urban state forest.

Chip's Editorial Comment: I can’t wait to have Ben teach at MEA as his new book is my favorite of 2024 so far.

The journey to wholeness always begins with an invitation. Life seems to be moving along just fine when you receive a summons to another way. The famous twentieth century mythologist Joseph Campbell called this disruptive invitation the Call to Adventure—the first step of the Hero’s Journey—and it shows up in the oldest stories, the latest movies, and our own lives.

Sometimes the Call to Adventure arrives in a single moment. It’s a sudden crisis that comes in a firing, diagnosis, or accident. A car crash shatters the hands of Marvel’s Dr. Strange—and his successful career as a surgeon.

Or the invitation comes as a series of signs. You keep running into dead ends. Your relationship continues to deteriorate. Or you notice a recurring theme in your life. Four times the gods approach the Buddha in disguise before he responds by leaving behind his privileged life and stepping into his calling.

Whether it arrives in whispered warnings or the clashing sound of everything falling apart, the Call to Adventure is the sounding of an alarm, urging you to exit an expired version of your life.

“You are not dead yet, it’s not too late to open your depths by plunging into them and drink in the life that reveals itself quietly there.” 

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Many people hear the Call to Adventure in midlife. This makes sense. Because the soul is savvy. By this point, it has accumulated enough data. It knows which operating patterns no longer work. And it sees the transitions and turning points of midlife as an opportunity to rise to the surface, get our attention, and initiate transformation.

But that doesn’t mean we always listen! At least not right away. We might resist the invitation to wholeness—escaping into the pursuit of pleasure and wealth, clinging to stability and security, or even distracting ourselves by creating chaos in our life, relationships, or work.

Behind these avoidance mechanisms there are deeper reasons for our refusal to answer the call. Shame is one of them. There is a particular kind of shame that can arise in midlife when we are invited to the healing journey. It is this sense that I should have figured this out by now because I’m a grown adult! We ask ourselves: Why didn’t I see this sooner? What took me so long to face this? Shouldn’t I have gotten over this by now?

This shame is dangerous. If we give in, it may lead to us ignoring our wounds, abandoning our healing journey, and repeating the same patterns that not only diminish who we are, but also cause harm to others.

But this shame is also instructive. Because it directs us towards exactly what we need to experience transformation: vulnerability. Ultimately, this “I should have figured this out by now” kind of shame is rooted in the fear of appearing weak. But embracing weakness—acknowledging our vulnerability—is exactly what we need to do. This inner tenderness is not something to run from; it is the gateway to our growth and progress.

So the next time you notice yourself resisting the Call to Adventure because you are embarrassed that you still haven’t healed from a childhood experience or are concerned about how others might perceive you as you stumble through the unknown, acknowledge your shame. Welcome your fear. Connect with the feeling of vulnerability beneath it. Because this is where your power lies. Vulnerability is the soil where the seeds of a fresh presence, aliveness, and a readiness to love and serve others will begin to grow.

Thoughts? Reflections? Questions? Would love to see them in the comments!